You know these days.
The ones that just start out wrong.
Where every little thing is a big deal.
Where videos of dogs and soldiers being reunited make you weep uncontrollably.
Like, what? That’s not what you’re even sad about…you just need an excuse to cry.
And so you do…
All day long when nobody’s looking.
Today, I really fucking miss my dad.
“Pops and little ginger Sean circa ~1995”
It’s not really an important date. No anniversary or holiday. Nothing bad happened to remind me that he’s gone. No perfect families making me jealous…
It’s just when you have a void in your heart that can’t be filled, it at least needs to be looked at once in a blue moon. And today the moon is looking AWFULLY BLUE!
I keep thinking about never being able to become friends with him. Not like dad-and-young-son-friends, but like real buds who smoke a joint and have a beer together and talk about life and sports and music. Fuck. IT’S SO SAD. But I can only stay bummed for so long.
I always do this thing where I isolate when I’m sad. It’s this fucked up mental trick I play on myself where I think I don’t want to talk to anybody, but all I want to do is let it out. It usually takes me a bit, but I’ve been learning how to accept the beautiful support I get from my friends, family, and you guys!
After getting to know y’all better, I think it’s pretty safe to say that we’ve all gone through some shit. Everyone here has been so vulnerable and supportive and loving and not afraid of sharing their story/grief.
So I decided to try my shot and put something up that I never intended to show anyone. This song took me a couple tries to get out and into a camera and it’s so far from finished or even that great, but I feel comfortable here, thanks to you rats.
So here’s to putting ourselves out there and sharing in our sorrows and triumphs alike.
I actually feel a little better after writing this out and staring at this goof for a bit…
Thanks to each of you for allowing me to be unapologetically myself and for making me feel like part of something special everyday. I love you all.
P.S. Do me a favor and pour one out for good ol’ Larry at your next celebration. His favorite was Heineken (gross 😂), but that’s by no means a requirement. 💛🍻