I wanted to post something happy and exciting ... but that’s just not how today is going.
Hey Rats,
Sean again.
You know these days.
The ones that just start out wrong.
Where every little thing is a big deal.
Where videos of dogs and soldiers being reunited make you weep uncontrollably.
Like, what? That’s not what you’re even sad about…you just need an excuse to cry.
And so you do…
All day long when nobody’s looking.
Today, I really fucking miss my dad.
“Pops and little ginger Sean circa ~1995”
It’s not really an important date. No anniversary or holiday. Nothing bad happened to remind me that he’s gone. No perfect families making me jealous…
It’s just when you have a void in your heart that can’t be filled, it at least needs to be looked at once in a blue moon. And today the moon is looking AWFULLY BLUE!
I keep thinking about never being able to become friends with him. Not like dad-and-young-son-friends, but like real buds who smoke a joint and have a beer together and talk about life and sports and music. Fuck. IT’S SO SAD. But I can only stay bummed for so long.
I always do this thing where I isolate when I’m sad. It’s this fucked up mental trick I play on myself where I think I don’t want to talk to anybody, but all I want to do is let it out. It usually takes me a bit, but I’ve been learning how to accept the beautiful support I get from my friends, family, and you guys!
After getting to know y’all better, I think it’s pretty safe to say that we’ve all gone through some shit. Everyone here has been so vulnerable and supportive and loving and not afraid of sharing their story/grief.
So I decided to try my shot and put something up that I never intended to show anyone. This song took me a couple tries to get out and into a camera and it’s so far from finished or even that great, but I feel comfortable here, thanks to you rats.
So here’s to putting ourselves out there and sharing in our sorrows and triumphs alike.
I actually feel a little better after writing this out and staring at this goof for a bit…
Thanks to each of you for allowing me to be unapologetically myself and for making me feel like part of something special everyday. I love you all.
P.S. Do me a favor and pour one out for good ol’ Larry at your next celebration. His favorite was Heineken (gross 😂), but that’s by no means a requirement. 💛🍻
I know that out of the blue whammy feeling all too well. It happened to me in July (missing my aunt) and a few weeks ago (missing my old rat dog who passed in March). I couldn’t stop crying all day at work and at home for each one both times. I’m sending you what positive vibes I have left to you. 💛🐀🌻
Beautiful sean
Sending hugs and understanding and lamentations over crap weeks 💙💙💙
I love this so much. “Disassociating Yet Lonely” would be my name suggestion.
Ah, shucks. 🫂 Sending love. Really appreciate that you’ve shared this for all of us – the writing and the song. 💛
‘Call for a Better Tomorrow’?
💛🌻🫂
Beautiful and really hits home 💛 There’s a saying that goes something like, “grief is just love with no where to go”, and I feel that a lot. Thank you for sharing your story and your talent 💛
Sean, sweetheart! I miss my daddy too. He gets a PBR (ew) poured out to him. I will happily pour one out for your Dad too.
Even if it’s something less…basic.
Grief comes as she will. Whenever. Wherever. Often with zero trigger. I am learning to embrace it, like maybe my daddy is just trying to give me a hug from the everywhere into the here.
Sean… you probably know what I’m gonna say…. lol. I love this and you so much! ❤ You are such an incredible, beautiful soul and you make the world so much better just being you! 💛🌻☠
And you should call it, something like… Waiting for you to call me.
But that doesn’t work with the whole thing…
Umm…
Chucking my phone
Being alone.
ugh.
My brain is spent from writing again.
Anyway, I love you! <3
I don’t post much but sending many hugs and much love! 🤗🤗🤗
And obviously “Fuck off please” is the name of this song. 💛🌻☠
I love this and you. Grief is a process and what I have learned after losing my dad is that it’s sneaky and has no regard for rules. Anywhere, anytime and for any reason. Bam! Tears. So cry them out and let your talent be your tissue. This song is great and I’m with Angela…”Fuck off please” is perfect.
Hugs 🌻💛☠️
Sean,
My best buddy (it’s what you feel like, ok),
Thanks for sharing this. REALLY!
I love when you play like this 🫂
I like “Fuck Off Please” & also “Ringing Ears”
Always sending you love and sunshine!
TWD💛🌻☠️
I know this feeling in a twist. I have both my parents, but once in a while, I become very worried about “what if the the last time i saw them was really the last time?” I start feeling guilty and sad and its a whole mess.
Shit, I felt that way last weekend, when I saw my dad & grandma. I did tell myself it could be the last day i had with my grandma. So i made sure to take a picture. Im not ready to lose anyone.
“Stay close, far away”
IS THAT A YOUNG MERLE HAGGARD CROONING ON MY SCREEN RIGHT NOW?!
Good shit, Sean. Thank you for sharing yourself.
Love this Sean mate and I feel like you and for you. I lost my dad when we were both too young, I was 9 and he was just 40. That left a massive hole in my life and it took me years, if not decades to properly accept and grieve.
The older I get, the more the few memories I have left fade away but what is always there is the many different feelings that were left behind.
I sometimes wonder how we’d have grown together and if we would have done the things we dreamed of. We used to make airfix models together and when I was old enough, we were going to build a kit car for my first car.
Sadly, we never got that chance.
I also have days when I just want to lock myself away and cry, sometimes staying in bed all day, sometimes drinking it all better.
I think that we sometimes need this moment to remember and reset. Being alone can sometimes be a good thing.
Love the song. TWD. 💛
I feel this big time. I’ve been having a very difficult year, August is always the worst. Lost my dog to a tumor in 2020, got a chronic illness last August and lost a dear friend this August. My birthday is in September so that helps but today my illness is flaring up badly am I’m having one of those days today. Just want to say fuck it. But I’ll keep on. Love to you Sean… I hope your days get brighter!
I’m liking the name Rain Check for this song.
💛🌻🐀☠️TWD
Adam
“Fuck off please, (but don’t leave me)” would be my suggestion. I have just raised a glass to all absent friends.
Miss his margaritas for sure. Love you son.
That was lovely, Sean. I’m sorry about your dad.
I feel this so much today, Sean. Your real friends will totally understand and be there when you’re ready to answer that call. Hang in there brother!
TWD 💛🐀🌭
I’m a few days late on this, but this feeling is one I’m adjacently-intimately familiar with. My mom passed away suddenly last year. I was lucky enough to be old enough that I was super close with her as an adult (I’m in my mid-30s), but I very much have days where just out of nowhere, I’m hit with a wave of missing her again for no rhyme or reason. I also definitely isolate when I’m feeling sad, even though I’m trying to catch myself and make me not do that so much. No real point to that paragraph other than to commiserate and say: yeah. totally, 100% GET it. Best of vibes to you to ride this particular wave of sad.
As for a title, the idea of “Rain Check for a Better Tomorrow” really stuck with me from the first verse.
Oh Sean… I’m so sorry. And we were just talking about my Mom etc. Damnit. I wish I could give YOU a Big HUG too now , just after I wanted to give one to Casey. You guys are so beautiful and I love getting to know you. Not everyone is open and vulnerable, you guys and us RATS are really helping one another and I, for one, am extremely grateful and honored to be connected to you ALL.
Thank you 💜
I miss my Dad terribly! He was my best friend. I was devastated and I still cry now and then. He died in 1984. I know, I’m old…
I’ve felt like this all today. Lots of tears, lots of sleeping because I didn’t want to feel how I felt awake. No real reason either. Just hit me that I won’t see my dad again (lost him last year). I joined the hideout today and seeing this feels like maaaaagic. My dad was a Garry. Double r. Just like Larry 🍺. Thank you for sharing.
I love this Sean, it’s a good song! Your dad looks like he was a lot of fun. Grief is so unpredictable….there is no timeline for when you should stop or how it looks. Sometimes you just gotta take those days…alone for a bit, join the crowd, go home, go out. I think you have to have those moments or you aren’t human! Today out of the blue I decided to wear this pendant that I made a week after my mom died. It was kind of therapeutic making it. Anyway, I just put it on (and I never wear any jewelry,) I asked my daughter if it looked generic or goofy but I really didn’t care. I wore it all day at work and it actually made me feel really good except I cried out of the blue all the way home. I’m not even sure why..it wasn’t an anniversary or anything for me either and it’s been 19 months but I just really felt her today…….Thanks for sharing your heart and your song. 🙂
I’ve been missing my dad a lot lately as the second anniversary of his passing is about a month away. This time of year he and I would help each other get our respective houses ready for winter and even though it was two houses worth of work it was easier with his company.
I don’t have a Heineken but I do have some extra beers (my band mate left them the last time he visited) to pour one out for your dad. *raises beer can* Here’s to Dad’s gone too soon.
I hope I never added to your stress Sean. You have been so kind and have taken the time to listen to things I sent and responded to my messages. I appreciate you so much. Please don’t ever feel stressed, burdened or rushed to respond , in my case. Ok.
Hugs my 🐀 friend TWD
You a beautiful, kind and gentle soul Sean. I’m grateful to have “met” you
Thankyou for sharing, it’s not easy. I find grief to be a sly devil, creeps up on you, causes a commotion in your soul, then leaves you for a while before catching you off-guard again. It’s good to let it out, put it into words, helps the healing . And eventually it shifts to a different, more bearable level, so memories become sweet, joyful, without the pain. 🙏
Some people say that time heals all but that’s not true with grief. The pain doesn’t get better, you just learn to live with it. I lost my best friend to an alcohol-fueled suicide last year and I don’t cry as much now, but the pain will never go away so I just solider on. Much love! 💙
I definitely get the lyrics and love hearing you sing and play solo Sean!
Hugs my friend 🐀💜 TWD